Here’s my Q&A:

Zibby, before I delve into that Herculean feat of producing a podcast every day, I’d like to focus on your book. You are so honest and open about your fascinating life. Books have always been a huge passion for you. You write:

And then, with a deep breath, I plunge into the first chapter like I’m flying off the white diving board into my black-bottomed childhood pool. That underwater intimacy stays with me for decades and returns when I just glance at the book’s spine, humbly lined up next to others on my shelf.’

With every life event you list several books that you were reading at the time that helped you somehow. The reading list at the back of your book totals several hundred books. Can you tell us about the first book that moved you, Charlotte’s Web and why?

Charlotte’s Web was the first book that made me cry. It made me realize just how deeply books could penetrate my emotions. I loved it.

What inspired you to write your story? And how long did it take?

I’ve been writing and rewriting part of the memoir since 2003 when I took a year “off” from life to write a book about losing my best friend on 9/11. It has gone through a zillion iterations as my life has changed.

In your memoir you write “It’s the corrosive power of secret keeping that propels many works of fiction and memoir.” Does that apply to you and if so, how?

Ha! Good question. I only have a couple secrets. But I’m not telling.

Writing comes easy to you. Tell us about the first article you wrote for Seventeen magazine.

I was really upset after I’d gained about 20 pounds in the aftermath of my parents’ divorce. After I passed a man on the street who said, “Hey, big girl!” I cried and then wrote. My mom found my stream of consciousness journal entry and said, “Zib! You need to send this into a magazine. It could help so many other girls.” So I did. And so my life changed.

Later, you lost your best friend in 9/11 just after you started Harvard Business School. You wrote a beautiful essay about your loss just a few weeks after she died. How do reading and writing help you make sense of things?

Writing allows me to dump all the thoughts in my head in one place and organize them. It’s like when I clean out my drawers. I dump it all on the floor and then put things back, one by one. But first: the dumping! Then I can slide the drawer back in, sorted. Calm.

When quoting Sue Shapiro, a writing professor you once had (me too! She’s great), you wrote, “Sue taught me that rejection isn’t personal.” What did you mean by that?

I mean that editors are looking for particular stories. Or they aren’t looking for anything at all! Or they’re busy. Or they only use trusted freelancers. Being rejected isn’t a reflection of talent. It’s a reflection of availability and matching.

You’ve had a very full life marked by profound sadness and joy and some light comedy. Can you tell us about your first job after Harvard Business School?

 My first job, while I was writing a novel and freelancing for magazines, was as a receptionist at Weight Watchers. I’d hit my “goal weight” and applied to help other women weigh, deal with all the funds, process sales, and restock the shelves. Definitely wasn’t putting my freshly minted MBA to use, but I was helping and connecting with women. Soon I was leading the meetings, inspiring women to lose weight and feel better about themselves.

You write about falling in love with your husband- at the time, you were married with four little kids. When did you know Kyle, your tennis pro back then, was your soulmate?

I don’t know if there was one exact moment but it was a feeling that built over time until it couldn’t be set aside.

You write about the difficulties of young motherhood, the constant stress you were under trying to be the perfect mom. You wrote an essay for the Huffington Post called “A Mother’s Right to Sanity.” Your experiences eventually spawned your podcast- Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books. Can you tell us about that?

Sure! After that essay went a bit viral on Huff Post, I started writing many more parenting essays. After a year, Kyle suggested I turn them into a book. I sighed, rolled my eyes, and said, “Moms don’t have time to read books.” Then I said, “That’s so funny! That’s what I’ll call my book.” So I decided to try to sell it. A new girlfriend, bestselling author Sarah Mlynowski, met me for coffee and said she didn’t think that a parenting essay collection was a good idea but that I should start a podcast. I took the name from that proposal and turned it into a podcast!

You write about attending author events before you launched your podcast and not hearing enough of what you wanted to learn: “My favorite moments were when the author thanked her husband or her agent and I got to see who else was in their lives, like watching the proud wife cry when her husband wins the Oscar.” Please expand on this.

I just liked seeing what the author was really like, in her unguarded, non-performative moments. What I saw on the page. That’s what I was after.

You’re a prolific reader. You must come across some lemons. How long do you give a book that’s not working for you?

Two pages. Max.

Tell us about Zibby Books.

Zibby Books’ general ethos is: stories are best when shared. We’re publishing 12 books a year in contemporary upmarket fiction and memoir. All of them have a strong sense of voice and place, propulsive narratives, and beautiful writing. Our first book comes out in February 2023. We’ve acquired 27 books already! We’re also rebuilding the house from scratch from an author’s point of view and rethinking the relationships between publisher and author. I think we’re all on the same team. We even have profit sharing to further enforce that.

You read a book a day. And interview authors every day for your podcast, in addition to everything else you do (!!!).  I am almost afraid to ask, what’s next? But from reading your book, I know you always have new goals. There is no moss under your feet. So, what’s next?

Secret: I’m opening a bookstore!

What books are on your nightstand now?

I just finished Justin Bateman’s FACE and just started Joanna Margaret’s THE BEQUEST.

And lastly, tell us something surprising about yourself?

I don’t read the New Yorker.

Thank you so much for answering these questions. And for everything else you do to promote the love of books and help authors.

You too! Thanks!

November, 2022

The post Q&A with Zibby Owens- Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature appeared first on Elena Bowes.

Love of work and family, nature and music sustain you and have helped you overcome the tragedies in your life that would have felled many a weaker character. What advice would you give people, especially those struck down by sadness, in the pursuit of happiness?

It is hard to offer advice about how to deal with sorrows and tragedies.   I suppose I would say you have to incorporate them into your life, and keep working.  Work is one of the two most important things in life – love is the other.    When you lose someone you love you still have work to do.    You live with grief.   I don’t think you can pursue happiness – it comes when it will, often unexpectedly.

You found lasting and stable love relatively late in life with an old friend playwright and novelist Michael Frayn.

You wrote,

Middle-aged love proved stronger than anything I had known before, and enduring.

Do you think age and maturity play a significant role in the calm pleasures of middle-aged love? Can you tell us a bit more about that relationship and how it differs from your first marriage?

Yes, I would say that my late marriage has been the most wonderful relationship in my life.   Having had a husband who could not be relied on it was extraordinary to find myself with someone totally reliable.    It is not always easy being a step-mother or father, but tremendously rewarding when you all become friends.     Then, since both of us are writers, we understand the ups and downs of each others’ lives – what Michael calls

start of book depression, end of book depression, middle of book depression’.

He is probably a bit calmer than me, and laughs a lot at the ridiculousness of things.   I have learnt from him.   We both like walking and travelling together.   We get on well.

For the rest of my interview with Claire, click HERE. The Q&A was published in 26’s monthly newsletter. For those who love words, 26, is a writers’ group populated with poets to copywriters and everything in between. Happy Reading.

January, 2019

Images courtesy of Chris Boland

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Three Lives has been around for nearly forty years. It was originally started by three women, hence its name taken after American writer Gertrude Stein’s first published book.  (other blog: Tender Buttons on the Upper East Side is another NYC shop honouring Stein with its name)

When the women wanted to retire they sold Three Lives  to its current owner and friend of the shop Toby Cox in 2001. Originally from Marin County, Cox was doing marketing for Random House in Manhattan at the time. He  realised that his true passion was selling books to readers, not stores.  He is still very much behind the till, choosing and arranging books and serving customers.

(pic of  Toby Cox on right and staffer Troy Chatterton on left)

Cox attributes the shop’s longevity to three things:

The beautiful space these women created, the books on display and the people that work here.

He moves books around constantly,  every day to keep the space looking fresh and dynamic.

You move one book and it changes everything. I then have to change the whole look to the annoyance of everyone here. A book that was just on the front table has moved to the back of the shop.

A passion for reading is shared by all of the 8-strong staff plus Cox. Toby Chatterton explains:

We love reading and we get really excited about turning people onto books that we’re reading. I think we’re known for giving recommendations and we build relationships with customers.

Below are some of Chatterton’s top picks.

Carol Wald, one of two employees who has worked at Three Lives since before Cox took over,  reads a book a week and would work here for free.

I get to talk to smart people, interesting people all day long about books that I love and about culture and every two weeks I get paid. Seriously, I get my pay-check and I’m like ‘Oh!’ I would do this for free.

Three Lives isn’t big or flashy. It barely promotes itself, and it hasn’t changed much over the years despite the advent of chains, Amazon and e-readers. Instead Cox works hard to maintain the essence of this jewel box.

When Hanya Yanagihara author of A Little Life – shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize  and a  National Book Award finalist – recently spoke at the shop, Three Lives softly advertised the event with a mention in its newsletter and a small poster in the window. Instead, the staff focuses its energy reading and recommending books to its loyal clientele, as well as newbies, like me. I did not leave empty-handed.

The shop has very little signage to encourage browsing and conversation. When I was there, a regular spent a good twenty minutes talking to Wald about books, hopping from one title to another in bookworm-ese. And when Wald recommended  “The Sellout” by Paul Beatty to me, a fellow customer chimed in.

It’s so so good. It’s really funny, and it gets into your gut at the same time. Beatty is saying things that are so important. I just finished it so I am very excited by it.

Chatterton manages the ‘Book of the Month Club’ where he meets with the person who is giving the gift or signing up for it. Chatterton  chats with them, sees what kind of reader they are, what they’re looking for and then sends them a book every month.

We send them a new book, and it’s always something that either we’re really excited about or that one of has read and loved.

Of course, like any thriving community focal point, the staff are just as happy to discuss the news or the weather, as what terrific book they’ve just finished.

April, 2016

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March, 2014

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