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	<title>divorce Archives - Elena Bowes</title>
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	<title>divorce Archives - Elena Bowes</title>
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		<title>Maggie; Or, a Man and a Woman Walk into a Bar- This Slender Novel Resonated Big-time</title>
		<link>https://elenabowes.com/maggie-or-a-man-and-a-woman-walk-into-a-bar-this-slender-novel-resonated-big-time/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=maggie-or-a-man-and-a-woman-walk-into-a-bar-this-slender-novel-resonated-big-time</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Elena Bowes]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 07 Nov 2025 20:07:23 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Author Q&As]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[author interview]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[best friends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://elenabowes.com/?p=20526</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Whenever I choose a book for the podcast, I’m looking for beautiful writing, a compelling story and themes that resonate with me. My latest pick, Maggie; Or, a Man and a Woman Walk into a Bar by debut author Katie Yee ticked all those boxes. It’s a slim novel of 199 pages, a comic tragedy...</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://elenabowes.com/maggie-or-a-man-and-a-woman-walk-into-a-bar-this-slender-novel-resonated-big-time/">Maggie; Or, a Man and a Woman Walk into a Bar- This Slender Novel Resonated Big-time</a> appeared first on <a href="https://elenabowes.com">Elena Bowes</a>.</p>
]]></description>
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<p class="Script">Whenever I choose a book for the podcast, I’m looking for beautiful writing, a compelling story and themes that resonate with me. My latest pick, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=maggie+or+a+man+and+a+women+walk+into+a+bar&amp;crid=IRFWPRMNZQAC&amp;sprefix=maggie+or+a+man%2Caps%2C306&amp;ref=nb_sb_ss_p13n-expert-pd-ops-ranker_5_15" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Maggie; Or, a Man and a Woman Walk into a Bar</a> by debut author Katie Yee ticked all those boxes.</p>
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<div>
<p class="Script">It’s a slim novel of 199 pages, a comic tragedy that reminded me a little of Nora Ephron’s <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Heartburn-Nora-Ephron-audiobook/dp/B00A30B4IO/ref=sr_1_1?crid=25WUAZOASUAOC&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.PPGq4GpRjFpMDbFzl0yJLWa1dUsCSEw4EqpPzWERAqj6CVK3_2tlTFl_PbAQbTK60SVdDqYNUw1UAxuMFtk65xA0WmBICszOK7c9BKaTKTBFq_xARl7KymiLLv2fx-EvqdPlpUsitGTn9V3J_CMzjHkGIiao9bFm9ItfKTvFobmOd8H6zD3mEtrqhQG7Ew03Hpf411snkaAkms3R5nOplbkpcuV4AZ6kJhC28L720GE.xeb8R8b9kRP8eJo0SQYiPrrUa0sDtapbkUXl6J9Wnec&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=heartburn+ephron&amp;qid=1762543620&amp;sprefix=heartburn+ephron%2Caps%2C154&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Heartburn</a>.  Both stories involve a cheating husband, a heartbroken wife, but the protagonists are very different. Nora&#8217;s protagonist is angry and funny and finds consolation in food and recipes. Katie&#8217;s protagonist is watchful, less angry, funny, and finds consolation in stories. The book title <em>Maggie; Or, a Man and a Woman Walk into a Bar</em> makes you think of an old joke. Only when the protagonist walks into a bar, or in this case an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet restaurant with her husband, he tells her he&#8217;s having an affair with a white woman named Maggie. Soon after the protagonist discovers she has breast cancer and names the tumor Maggie.</p>
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<p class="Script">Now divorce, cancer, not such cheery topics, but in Katie&#8217;s hands, I kept laughing, not loud, raucous laughter, but more chuckling about the narrator&#8217;s relatable observations. She hates the tiny triangular paper cups in the doctor&#8217;s waiting room that never hold enough water and the outdated cheesy magazines. She never sees issues of the Atlantic or the New Yorker. Maybe, she muses, because people who read those magazines are too smart to get cancer. She writes ‘The Guide to My Husband: A User’s Manual” and ponders whether she should give it to Maggie, the mistress, not the tumor.</p>
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<p class="Script">When I asked Katie what she hoped readers would take away from her novel, she said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="Script">I hope readers feel like they can revisit and retell their own story. They don&#8217;t have to hold onto stories that are not serving them. They can take the pen back.</p>
</blockquote>
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<p class="Script">Katie talks about how we each have our origin stories, including, in the novel’s case, how the narrator met her husband. But when he left her, she realized that story didn’t work for her anymore. I experienced that same thing when my husband and I divorced. I remember thinking what do I do with all those stories, the photo albums, the letters (we met way before email), the shared memories. It was a big chunk of my brain and heart. I had to find a different origin story with a new ending.</p>
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<p class="Script">Katie said it doesn’t need to be a long marriage; any relationship can work its way into our origin story.</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="Script">Who among us, she said, has not dated someone for a little bit too long just because the meet cute story was so good. I dated this guy right out of college. We met on the subway, and he asked me what I was reading, and I was like, this is it. A meet cute to end all meet cutes. And, you know, he wasn&#8217;t amazing. But I was like, I think we just have to hang on because the universe would never have given me a story so good if it wasn&#8217;t supposed to work out.</p>
</blockquote>
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<p class="Script">Another element to Katie’s novel that I loved was how the protagonist mothered her young children. She doesn&#8217;t  pressure them to be a certain way, to get top grades. Unlike her ex, she doesn’t correct mistakes on their homework. Instead, the mother can’t wait to see what individuals her children will turn out to be. I asked Katie if this was how she grew up.</p>
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<blockquote>
<p class="Script">Absolutely. While I&#8217;m not myself a mother, so much of the motherhood aspect of the book, I&#8217;ve really pulled from my relationship to my own mother. I completely credit my mother and her curiosity about me and her love of storytelling. I was never sent to bed without a bedtime story. My mom was a classics major as an undergraduate, so she would tell me kid-friendly versions of all the Greek myths, and some Chinese myths that she knew.</p>
</blockquote>
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<blockquote>
<p class="Script">She would also do this cool thing, a parenting hack, where she would tell me a story and then she would say, okay, now it&#8217;s your turn. And this is kind of a nice way if you&#8217;re tired of entertaining your kids, you let them entertain you.</p>
</blockquote>
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<blockquote>
<p class="Script">I remember she&#8217;d pick me up after preschool, take me to a diner where we’d get French fries and a vanilla milkshake and we would just tell each other stories. I wanted the narrator in the book to look at her children with that same curiosity and love.</p>
</blockquote>
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<p class="Script">And the other main way Katie’s novel resonated with me, was through the narrator’s best friend Darlene. Everyone should have a Darlene in their lives, the friend who knows exactly what we need before we do, who knows what to stay at tense moments, who gets us and is there for us when the going gets tough.  When the narrator asks Darlene how she thinks Maggie, the mistress, is in bed,</p>
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<blockquote>
<p class="Script"> Darlene replies terrible. She looks like a real pillow princess. … She lies there like a dead fish! Doesn’t move her hips.  She fakes orgasms, but in the ways guys like.</p>
</blockquote>
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<blockquote>
<p class="Script">Katie told me Darlene was an important character for me to write into this book because there are so many “divorce novels” out there. But I&#8217;m always like, where is her best friend? For me personally, I&#8217;ve never had to go through anything difficult in my life without the help or the shoulder or the ear of a very best friend. I&#8217;m lucky in that I&#8217;ve got a couple of Darlene&#8217;s in my life.</p>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
<p class="Script">And I have a couple of Darlene’s in my life, who always make the bad times a little less bad. You know who you are.</p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="Script">The above has been edited for clarity and brevity. You can listen to the full episode<a href="https://elenabowes.substack.com/p/exploring-comic-tragedies-with-debut" target="_blank" rel="noopener"> here</a> on my podcast <a href="https://elenabowes.substack.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Elena Meets the Author</a>, or wherever you choose to listen to podcasts.</p>
</div>
<div>
<p><em>November 2025</em></p>
</div>
<p>The post <a href="https://elenabowes.com/maggie-or-a-man-and-a-woman-walk-into-a-bar-this-slender-novel-resonated-big-time/">Maggie; Or, a Man and a Woman Walk into a Bar- This Slender Novel Resonated Big-time</a> appeared first on <a href="https://elenabowes.com">Elena Bowes</a>.</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">20526</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>Conscious Uncoupling &#8211; A Decade Later</title>
		<link>https://elenabowes.com/conscious-uncoupling-a-decade-later/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=conscious-uncoupling-a-decade-later</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Elena Bowes]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 12 May 2021 20:02:08 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conscious uncoupling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[graduation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nostalgia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://elenabowes.com/?p=15127</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>I went for a stroll in my London hood before my flight back to America. It was a gorgeous day—the sky a cloudless Cerulean blue and the air warm and weightless on my face. Everything seems possible those first days of spring, dreamy and light. I was smiling to myself when who should I spot as...</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://elenabowes.com/conscious-uncoupling-a-decade-later/">Conscious Uncoupling &#8211; A Decade Later</a> appeared first on <a href="https://elenabowes.com">Elena Bowes</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I went for a stroll in my London hood before my flight back to America. It was a gorgeous day—the sky a cloudless Cerulean blue and the air warm and weightless on my face. Everything seems possible those first days of spring, dreamy and light. I was smiling to myself when who should I spot as I rounded the corner but my ex-husband eating lunch outside at a popular local restaurant. Alone. My first reaction was to look down at the sidewalk and scurry past—I should add—there was no second reaction.</p>
<p>Who doesn’t see their ex and immediately cross the street? Well maybe Gwyneth. But the rest of us conscious uncouplers understand, you can’t really have polite superficial conversation with someone you used to share toothpaste with, whose skin you knew better than your own, whose likes and dislikes were once second nature to you, someone who used to be your forever man and is now just <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong, we get along fine when we’re prepared, when our three adored children, the ties that bind, are present &#8211;</p>
<figure class="img_wrapper"><img data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-15138" src="https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1393.jpeg?resize=560%2C747&#038;ssl=1" alt="" width="560" height="747" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1393.jpeg?resize=560%2C747&amp;ssl=1 560w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1393.jpeg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1393.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&amp;ssl=1 450w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1393.jpeg?w=900&amp;ssl=1 900w" sizes="(max-width: 560px) 100vw, 560px" /></figure>
<p>like at Christmas, weddings, graduations. But those accidental sightings when I am on my own, not a mother, just me, Elena, enjoying springtime in London, I walk the other way. I am sure Peter feels exactly the same. We have both moved on, time heals, I’m even getting married soon.</p>
<p>Two weeks later it’s our youngest Julia’s graduation from Duke University in North Carolina, one of those events where Peter and I get an A* for getting along.</p>
<figure class="img_wrapper"><img data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-15139" src="https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1473.jpeg?resize=560%2C900&#038;ssl=1" alt="" width="560" height="900" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1473.jpeg?resize=560%2C900&amp;ssl=1 560w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1473.jpeg?resize=768%2C1235&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1473.jpeg?w=900&amp;ssl=1 900w" sizes="(max-width: 560px) 100vw, 560px" /></figure>
<p>We aren’t faking it either. We really do get along. If we hadn’t had the soul-wrenching heartbreak of divorce, we’d probably still be friends, old friends. We get each other.  I met Peter when I was sixteen, and he was twenty so he’s not just my ex-husband, he’s also someone who knew me in my formative years, and vice versa. I remember his gold Honda Accord with the amazing sound system, and he remembers my stick shift Fiat that I never learned to drive. There were plenty of happy years until we reached our sell-by date, when we just weren&#8217;t working anymore.</p>
<p>Peter and I met up at the hotel in Durham with a polite peck on the cheek. Kate and Thomas hadn&#8217;t arrived from London yet. So, the two of us walked with Julia to the first of many graduation parties that weekend. Julia runs off to chat to her friends. Peter and I meet the other parents and I am aware that to many we seem like we might be there together, <em>actually</em>, and not just circumstantially.</p>
<p>At some point I notice that my ex is standing alone. My first thought is to approach him and include him in a conversation I am having with an acquaintance. Peter was always the guy in the corner at a party. Back then I would find him and bring him into the group. But then I realise, this is not my job anymore. He can take care of himself.</p>
<p>The next day, at lunch, just the five of us, Peter says,</p>
<blockquote><p>Elena, do you remember that trip to California where we stopped in to to visit your ageing grandmother and she just stared silently at me with those big eyes, terrified me.”</p></blockquote>
<p>I’m not big on reminiscing. It doesn’t get you anywhere. Either it makes you sad remembering a happy distant faraway time you miss, never to be re-experienced, or it makes you sad remembering a sad equivalent. Nostalgia is a temptress to be avoided, which is pretty easy, except when you’re at a college graduation and your ex revels in trying to get you to talk about the past.</p>
<blockquote><p>Yes,” I reply quickly, “we were in the dining room in Woodside.”</p></blockquote>
<p>Julia has just graduated, a marvellous outdoor, in-person procession with the warm Carolina sun beaming down on us. Julia has shoved her cap and gown into a paper bag and is sipping a much-needed Bloody Mary, hair of the “graduation party” dog.</p>
<blockquote><p>No, I think it was in her bedroom,” Peter corrects me.</p></blockquote>
<p>I hate this even more. My ex correcting me about memories of my family. Anyway, I know I’m right. I can visualise the scene perfectly—but I don’t want to go there. Our recollections differ about an event that took place over thirty years ago. As our three kids look on, I wonder if this is even the time or the place.</p>
<blockquote><p>Julia, how’s that Bloody Mary? Think I’ll have one too,” I say.</p></blockquote>
<p>Later at the lunch, while Peter is talking to one of our other children, Julia confides to me that her friend Anav told her he had warned his parents,</p>
<blockquote><p>Oh, you should know Julia’s parents are divorced.”</p>
<p>I am fully aware,” Anav’s mother had replied. “Elena called him her ‘ex-husband’ three times at the dinner last night and three times on the ride to the graduation this morning.”</p>
<p>I never know what to call him, “ I say defensively to Julia.</p>
<p>How about Peter?”</p></blockquote>
<p>Stretch didn’t come to the graduation—only so many tickets allowed. Despite how much my kids like Stretch, I  know that they prefer the nuclear five of us. It’s not wishful thinking anymore, just a group they know in their bones, in their DNA. As Julia said to me,</p>
<blockquote><p>We rarely get together, just the five of us.”</p></blockquote>
<p>We are a forever family, even if their father is not my forever man.  I have always thought that Peter and I made amazing children,</p>
<figure class="img_wrapper"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-15137" src="https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1238.jpeg?resize=560%2C747&#038;ssl=1" alt="" width="560" height="747" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1238.jpeg?resize=560%2C747&amp;ssl=1 560w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1238.jpeg?resize=768%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1238.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&amp;ssl=1 450w, https://i0.wp.com/elenabowes.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/IMG_1238.jpeg?w=900&amp;ssl=1 900w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 560px) 100vw, 560px" /></figure>
<p>that we were meant to be together for that very reason.  I agree with Gwyneth when she says,</p>
<blockquote><p>I know my ex-husband was meant to be the father of my children, and I know my current husband is meant to be the person I grow very old with. Conscious uncoupling lets us recognise those two different loves can coexist and nourish each other.</p></blockquote>
<p>Stay tuned for the next instalment:  Getting Married &#8211; Round Two.</p>
<p><em>May, 2021</em></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://elenabowes.com/conscious-uncoupling-a-decade-later/">Conscious Uncoupling &#8211; A Decade Later</a> appeared first on <a href="https://elenabowes.com">Elena Bowes</a>.</p>
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