Have you had your baby yet? I asked as Elie snipped.

Yes, a week ago.  We named him Cosmo which means order, decency and beauty. I have to tell you that when I was holding Cosmo in the hospital, and I looked at my wife and our three-year-old son Marco, I thought, I’m good. I need for nothing in life but to provide for my family and make them happy.

I nodded and smiled.

That morning my 25- year-old son Thomas called me

‘Thomas?!’ I answered on the half ring.

No response.

Thomas? I said.

No response.

By the fifth ‘Thomas?’ I hung up and texted him.

In addition to getting accidental calls, I get accidental texts too

Elie has no idea what’s coming – I decide not to burst his bubble.

At least, when Stretch calls and texts me, it’s not an accident.  He, too, is an empty nester.

Seems to be AOK …

Maybe it’s a Mom thing.  Being a mother is complicated- first they need you to survive, and then before you know it, the only time you hear from them is when their cell does the dialling. Can a phone feel empathy?

I keep track of Kate via her fiancé’s Instagram stories. She’s usually smiling and dancing.

Sounds like she’s very happy, says my mother.

She is.

That’s the thing – you want your children to be happy and independent (!), but that doesn’t mean you don’t reminisce, a little. She, who sucked her thumb so much it shrank, now wears a gorgeous engagement ring (not on her thumb).

I got lucky with Julia. She had her wisdom teeth removed last week and Nurse Elena was at the ready.

Did I need to spend the whole day lying in bed next to the patient who was quietly watching Friends. You betcha.

This is the perfect way for you to be a nurse Mommy, no cooking required. I beamed with maternal joy.

Last summer Thomas had kidney surgery (he’s fine now, and thank you for asking). We spent some quality time together – Thomas, me and his catheter. I washed and cleaned and would have sung like Doris Day if I could carry a tune.

I know my therapist would  not approve if I confessed that I secretly hope my kids get just a little sick, enough to need a nurse, but not life threatening in any way. Thomas hasn’t had his wisdom teeth out yet- that kind of wishful thinking.

I told my mother that I didn’t know what I would talk about if I didn’t talk about my kids and coffee tables – I am furnishing a NYC apartment and had no idea how many coffee tables there are out there.

You’d just talk about your dogs, she quipped.

I don’t want to be that person, I answered.

When my friend Lauren became an empty nester she started sending her kids daily videos of their dog Rufus – drinking, sleeping eating, running. The kids almost did an intervention. Luckily, Lauren got the job she always should have had,  as a real estate agent, and is too busy now to send videos.

Lauren has always loved talking about other peoples’ houses, the way Londoners talk about the weather and New Yorkers the traffic. She would never tire of hearing me go on about coffee tables or my kids. Or my dogs. She doesn’t mind that I am that person. She is too.

Think I’ll call her right now.

I’ll leave you with this comforting thought from my heroine, Nora Ephron:

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.

Happy Summer!

July, 2019

The post Parenting – a few thoughts on… appeared first on Elena Bowes.

Found you, says my grinning 8 year old nephew.

Guess I am a little rusty at hide n’ seek. I try to remember the last time I played a game- like a kid. I think it was when I was a kid.

How did I go from that elena to this one? Carefree to task-obsessed. I did just help my youngest child  move into college where getting things done was paramount.

Thank God for Target…

Phone, tick, bank account, tick, mini-fridge tick, kettle, tick, hangers, tick and a few days later…

it was time for a hurried hug, a too big smile, and a dash to the airport. I hate goodbyes.

How did Julia go from this?

to this?

In the blink of an eye. Her siblings too, but at least there was always a child at home to steady me.

I knew this day was coming. I’d had 18 years to prepare for it. During the last year I’d wake up Friday mornings already annoyed with Julia and the inevitable nocturnal plans. Every time she’d rock home at 3am on a Saturday night,  I would tell myself as I waited to hear the front door slam shut, just a few more months of this. Come September,  I’ll be free. I’ll be able to see Stretch more, travel more, not dread the weekends.  All good, and it is good. Everything has a time.

Still,  change is hard, even when it’s been anticipated and planned for. Emotions can’t be bossed around, ticked off a list. They have a way of creeping in, unannounced,  unwelcome. A   battered  physics book,  a box of peppermint tea, a front door key with a faded pink ribbon, little things  throw me.   It’s hard to look forward when the past is blocking the view.

But there are no other options. The time has come.

An empty nester friend told me it takes a few months to feel comfortable in this novel role. At first she was exhausted and slept a lot. And then after that mid-life hibernation she woke up and felt like a 23-year old again but without the angst. She was free to do what she really wanted to do and free to avoid the rest. She knew herself better, her likes, dislikes, and she is having a blast.

I’m looking forward to feeling that, saying hello to the next chapter. At the moment though I am still at the reflective stage, bidding adieu to what has been a wild, (not always, but mostly) glorious ride.

August, 2017

The post Duke Drop-off appeared first on Elena Bowes.