I know that when I’m meditating, I am a nicer, more present, calmer person. Case in point, I was just nearing the end of a meditation session (ie sitting on a chair with my eyes shut for 20 minutes repeating a mantra that Jillian assigned to me all those years ago) when someone came into the room, ignored my closed eyes and started talking to me. I opened my eyes, greeted him with a smile and answered his questions.

Now, I know me. My typical reaction would be sheer annoyance. “Don’t I ever get a moment to myself?!” But no, I was super patient without trying.

Jillian says that meditation should be effortless, not forced.  If a zillion thoughts are entering my head, that’s fine, that’s natural. In this particular meditation session, I could hear my thirty-year-old son on a work zoom upstairs, and I started reminiscing about his childhood and how long I’ve known him, 30 years, he was such a cute baby. Is that a failed meditation? Not at all. According to Jillian, it’s ok if a zillion thoughts come into my head, let them, but try and return to the mantra. Watch those thoughts like clouds in the sky, register them and then let them float away.

But don’t listen to me, listen to Jillian. She founded the London and New York Meditation Centres with her partner in work and life Michael Miller in 2008.

They offer a myriad of courses on-line and in person, as well as retreats in far-flung locales. They have taught thousands of people how to meditate.I love their free on-line group meditations as a way for me to reconnect and listen to Jillian and Michael wisely answer meditators’ questions. They also have tons of forensic scientific evidence supporting the physical and psychological benefits of meditation. Below is an edited, abbreviated version of our chat. You can listen to the entire conversation on my podcast Elena Meets the Author here or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Elena: Hello Jillian and welcome. In your book you debunk some of the popular myths about meditation. Can you tell us briefly what those are?

I think that’s partly why I wrote the book. More and more people know about meditation, which is great, but with that comes confusion. The thing I hear time and time again is ‘Oh, I couldn’t do that. My mind is crazy busy. I couldn’t sit down and stop thinking.’ But that’s not what we want people to do. Or people say, ‘I don’t have time to meditate.” That was an issue for me when I first started meditating. But what I found is that I actually had more time. I was more focused, more productive. I didn’t have to read that sentence five time before it sank in.

There’s also a myth about meditation being a belief system. We teach people from all walks of life, all faiths. And you don’t have to stop drinking wine, or start drinking kale juice, change your diet in any way.

Elena: Can you tell us about some of the positive effects that meditating can have on people’s lives?

 It’s a long list. Meditation affects every aspect of our mental and physical functioning.  You are resting your system so your body can heal, purify and rebalance. That deep rest means that we can release tiredness and stress. We’re going to be more resilient. And meditating has a big impact on the ageing process. Long-term practitioners are aging more slowly. Vedic mediators have improved memory, learning ability, concentration and focus.

Meditating has a big impact on how we can be there for others. If we go into a relationship and we’re tired and needy, cranky, it’s going to affect that exchange. It’s all about me. But if we go into it, present, listening and feeling good inside, not needy, that has an incredibly uplifting effect on that exchange.

Elena: how do you know when you’re doing it correctly?

That’s a good question because there’s a lot of stuff out there that’s not very effective. Ask yourself is this something you look forward to? Do you enjoy it? Do you find that it’s easy when you do it? Do you feel a difference when you do it? How do you feel if you missed your meditation? That’s the acid test.

Elena: You say in your book that there’s no such thing as a stressful situation, there are only stressful responses to a given situation. Can you explain?

 This is a a very challenging world that we live in. We live in a world undergoing, rapid rates of change. It is only accelerating. What is our capacity to deal with change?  What is our capacity to adapt to new information? That’s what life is asking of you. And when you’re tired, stressed, depleted, you don’t have that bank balance, that reservoir of adaptation energy.

In Vedic Meditation we de-excite. We start to lighten the load. Meditation delivers an antidote to stress by delivering a level of rest that is profound. And when you rest the nervous system, it can come into balance to meet the demands of life by not carrying this legacy of stress. Meditation helps us lose stress faster than we are gaining it. And that puts us way ahead of the game.

Elena: And finally, you talk about how meditation can help the creative process? 

 Vedic meditators report having more clarity, more insight, more lightbulb moments where you get that good idea. The universe is sending you good ideas all the time. The question is are you awake? Can you catch them? When we have all that scattered thinking in our head, it’s hard to get clarity.

So much emphasis in our society is placed on intellectual capability. But all the important decisions you’ve made in your life, the consequential decisions didn’t come from working it out in our head. It’s our ability to tune into our intuition. I did an interview once and someone asked me what was the most important thing that I have gained from meditation. And I said, my ability to trust myself, that ability to turn down the volume, go inward and access that feeling, that sixth sense, that intuition about how I’m going to decide what I’m going to do in any aspect of my day.

Thank you so much Jillian. I think a lot of people will find our conversation helpful.

October, 2024

The post Q&A with Jillian Lavender – Why Meditate? Because it works. appeared first on Elena Bowes.

The following Q&A has been edited for clarity and brevity. You can listen to the whole Q&A on my podcast, Elena Meets the Author. And you can read the rest of my edited Q&A here on 26.

Ann, I loved I’ve Tried Being Nice. I listened and read it in two days. You’re a very good narrator. I laughed out loud multiple times, and I can so relate to your recovering from being a lifelong people pleaser. As I’ve gotten older, and my estrogen has disappeared, so has my patience. It’s kind of a huge relief doing what you want to do, saying what you want to say. Getting that seat on the subway, Medicare around the corner.

Your pet peeves range from smug knitters to rude tennis partners to people who let their dogs roam on your property despite you warning them about your fearful, sometimes aggressive rescue. I also loved your romantic story Shall We Dance?  And Travels Travails where your husband  navigates the perilous Italian autostrada. Your humor and empathy shine throughout these various essays. In your terrific tennis article, you talk about how competitive you are.

So, my first question is since it’s clear that you are really funny and you’re married to someone who makes a living being funny, do you ever get competitive over who is funnier?

Ann: I’ve been with my husband a long time. We met when I was 20 and he was 25. It’s been a few decades. I always know if I’ve said something really funny, if I say something that slays it. He works at not laughing. But he’ll laugh generously if I’m just amusing.

Would you recommend tennis to warring couples?

Ann: I didn’t grow up playing tennis. I started playing in my forties, and I’m completely obsessed by it. You can learn everything you need to know about a person on the tennis court… if a person’s honest, if they cheat, if they’re a blamer, or a self-hater. I mostly play doubles. Do not play doubles where your husband is your tennis partner. He should be on the other side of the court.

So, my sister is also a mediocre player. We used to go on vacation with her and her husband. If my brother-in-law was my partner and he made a mistake, I’d be like, ‘oh, that’s fine.” And he would be so nice to me. And same if my sister made a mistake, my husband would be like, ‘good try.’

But if my husband was my partner, and he’d make a mistake, I’d say, “What is wrong with you?! Why won’t you take a lesson?’ And then if I made a mistake, he’d berate me. We would be so uncharitable because I guess we felt you don’t have to be as nice. Tennis teaches you how to be in life. You should be as generous to your partner in life as you are to other people. But often we aren’t.

My husband and I played pickleball against my son and his wife last weekend. They’re much better than us. What was annoying was my husband kept suggesting that we mix up the teams.

Ann: Ah, because he wanted a better partner?

 Yup. You met your husband when you were in college? You were both at Emerson, taking creative writing, right?

Ann: I had just transferred from Bennington to Emerson and the head of the writing department at Bennington told me “You must take this writing class with Denis Leary.” He had graduated the year before. I thought he would be much older, like 50. He walked in and he looked about 20. He was super cute.

We crushed on each other, but we didn’t date until the day after the class was over. We went on a date or two, and then he stayed over, and he never left… to this day. It turned out he didn’t have his own place to live. He was shacking up with other comics.

Lol.  I loved your essay on the perks to an Empty Nest. Too often parents get morose when their kids go to college. I certainly did. But when your kids went to college you and your husband shed a few tears, and then realized every cloud has a silver lining? Can you tell us about that breakthrough?

Ann: Sure. So, we have two children. My son is the older one. The summer before he went to college, I was in a serious depression. I really felt like our whole life, our marriage, this magical thing that was our family was coming to an end. Then we dropped my daughter off. I rememeber we were driving away and I couldn’t stop sobbing. My husband was driving and then he pulled over. And after dabbing my face, I said, ‘you can go now.” And then I heard him make this sound. I look over and he has his head in his hands and he’s crying like a baby. Our daughter only went to college an hour away. When we got home  my husband went upstairs, while I made dinner and watched Seinfeld. And when he came down, he did what he automatically does which is turn that little TV in the kitchen off because it’s time for dinner.

And then I said the words he’d been waiting twenty years to hear. Let’s watch TV while we eat. And that’s when the fun began. I know a lot of people are naturally altruistic, thoughtful, kind, good people. We’re not really like that but we had to behave as if we were because our children deserved better. So, we were on our best behavior for twenty years.

We have reclining chairs for when my mother visits. Now we eat dinner on these reclining chairs in front of the TV. We walk around with no clothes on. Nobody cares. My kids came back for vacation and were shocked by the recliner eating situation, absolutely appalled.

Thank you Ann.

Readers, this is just a soupçon of our chat. The episode on Elena Meets the Author has lots more Ann gems. Here’s to laughing!!!

September, 2024

The post Q&A with Ann Leary – I’ve Tried Being Nice appeared first on Elena Bowes.