You’ll notice the three books I’m recommending this month are funny. Yes, I need funny right now. And I’m guessing you do too.

Morning Page is Kate’s first novel targeting adults. She is the author of 11 highly acclaimed books for children.She has worked as a writer, illustrator, television producer, photo editor, and ice cream scooper.  She also is the event producer for the Martha Vineyard-based writers festival Islanders Write. Kate lives between Martha’s Vineyard and New York City.

Kate’s father is the award-winning illustrator, cartoonist, and writer Jules Feiffer. And her mother, Judy Feiffer, was a writer, photographer, and book editor who helped foster two best-selling memoirs, I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings by then novice author, Maya Angelou and Mommy Dearest by Christine Crawford. And Kate’s sister, Hallie Feiffer, is a playwright. So, a very talented family indeed.

Below is an edited, abbreviated version of our Q&A. You can listen to our entire chat here on Elena Meets the Author. Or you can tune into this episode wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Elena: Hello Kate, welcome to the show.

Elena, it’s great to be here. Thank you for inviting me. You do such amazing research on these shows, and I’m just delighted to be here.

Elena: I listened to Morning Pages before I read it, and I couldn’t stop laughing, especially when the inappropriate, eccentric octogenarian mother was talking, who dare I say, reminded me of my own TMI mother. I never realized there was only one narrator for all the different characters. She deserves an Oscar for your Audible if such a thing exists.

In one interview, you describe your book as a coming-of-age story for the sandwich generation.

Yes. I think there’s something like 50 percent of women in their forties and fifties who are caring for children and aging parents. We tend to be the caretakers. We are dealing with all sorts of stuff while trying to tend to our own needs and often our own needs get lost in the shuffle.

The post Elena Meets Kate Feiffer, Author of Hilarious Morning Pages appeared first on Elena Bowes.

Now for my questions with the gifted author:

I read that the story idea came to you after watching a lot of Hallmark movies while recovering from surgery. Can you expand on this?

I was stuck in bed recovering from surgery for a few weeks in 2019, and I got hooked on the Hallmark Channel. It’s not hard to do; you just have to watch one. I got lost in all of those beautiful small towns with their independently owned hardware stores and festive community events. After the first few I thought, wait, didn’t I just see this one? But maybe last time she had a cupcake store instead of a custom wreath business? It was the same movie over and over again, and I got to a point where I could predict the exact moment that the handsome guy would be called back to the city, only to have a change of heart and return immediately after the commercial break.

I started wondering about what kind of person wrote these super romantic movies. And I wondered what it would feel like to write them if you’d never really been in love. And that’s where the idea for Nora Hamilton came from – she’s newly divorced and has never been in love so she writes these scripts with a bit of eye rolling. I thought it would be fun to see what would happen if she fell madly in love.

One of the things I loved about your book is what a great mother Nora is and how in real life motherhood interrupts a lot of things, including a hot romance. Nora’s two children Bernadette and Arthur are such perfectly drawn characters. Can you describe your inspiration for them both?

I have three sons, none of whom are anything like Arthur. I thought that he came right out of thin air until I was completely done with the book, and I realized that he is exactly like I was at ten. He embodies all of my childhood worry about my family and all of my magical thinking about how I could fix things with the right amount of pep and determination. This is one of the many ways your subconscious asserts itself when you are writing, and it was actually very healing for me to write about things turning out great for him. Having said that, my oldest son did play Fagin in Oliver Twist in the fifth grade. And he killed it.

Bernadette is my little day-dream daughter. I smile just typing this and thinking about her big ideas and enthusiasm.

On the section on your web site called “Things You Don’t Know”, you confess that as a child you always thought you’d end up marrying Steve Martin. You have an MBA from Wharton and briefly worked as an investment banker. I guess you grew up, saw Steve Martin was married, and decided (briefly, Thank God) to pursue a life with few laughs?

That’s such a fun question. As I kid, I always felt like Steve Martin was a person I would meet and should probably marry. Today, I think that being married to a wild and crazy guy would drive me right up a wall. I always wanted to be a writer, but I went into banking as a means to support myself, and it wasn’t until I was 37 that I got back to writing. Even then, it took me a while to find my voice and to be comfortable with attempting to write anything humorous. It is no small act of bravery to try to crack a joke.

Please tell us a few surprising things about yourself- that aren’t on your website?

I’ve had three Volvo station wagons in the past 25 years. All different colors – silver, then black, and now champagne because I’ve gone completely wild. Also, I really like to iron. I do a lot of writing in my head while ironing ratty t-shirts.

Thank you Annabel! And to everyone else out there, you can read the rest of my interview with Annabel here on 26’s August newsletter.

August, 2022

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Here are my nine Easy Dos and Don’ts for anyone who is 50+ planning a honeymoon with their beloved. My tips guarantee that when the honeymoon is finito, your marriage won’t be.

Do be chill about where you go — I wanted to go to Italy, being a pasta-over-paella, Rome-over-Madrid gal but Italy’s quarantine rules for those coming from the UK made that a no go. Accepting that no honeymoon will be perfect, starting with the destination, is a good way to keep your attitude in check. You might just realize that someone in Madrid has an amazing recipe for asparagus and string beans.

So go with the flow and you might be surprised at how much you like where you end up. Lovely Lisbon and Comporta in Portugal for example …

 Don’t Forget You Aren’t Twenty Anymore – It’s not all about the adventure, it’s also about the arthritis. My Away suitcase gets an A*- great for storage, love the tidy compartments, and most importantly, the wheels work really well in airports, train stations and on other smooth surfaces, less well on cobblestones, sandy paths and stone steps. I love the nifty bag that comes with it- my back and shoulders were ever so grateful.

Do Save the Multi-Country Expedition for When You’re Not on Your Honeymoon – Three countries in three weeks was probably two countries too many, especially with the added expense and hassle of Covid tests. Any post-spa bliss was erased by the nail-biting wait for test results—Would we get them in time for our flights? Would they be negative? Where do we save them on our phone for easy access at the airport? Stretch proved himself a model husband. He remained relaxed and tech savvy throughout. But even when Covid is over, you might still want to heed this honeymoon tip. After all, wouldn’t you rather gaze at the sunset from some idyllic perch that isn’t an airplane window?

Don’t Take a Three Week Honeymoon –  Let’s face it, when you get older, you pretty much always want your own bed. Three weeks is about a week too long even when you’re having the time of your life. Throw in a new husband, and you risk several moments of TMI. I love Stretch, but I also like a touch of mystery, and the mystery disappeared around day 16, maybe even 15—right about when he shared his toe-nail clipping techniques with me. What’s seen cannot be unseen.

Do Remember, It’s OK to Spend Time Apart on Your Honeymoon–  In fact, I highly recommend it. We were relaxing by the pool at the peaceful and luxurious Cap Rocat hotel in Mallorca. Once a military fortress, Cap Rocat is now a unique and uber-chic five star oasis with a zen spa, pool plus beach plus delicious beachside restaurant. Why would anyone want to leave?

I have to exercise every day or I’ll go nuts, “ announced my new husband after a lazy day by the pool.  “I found a great hike for tomorrow. It’s an hour’s drive.

I should have said:

No problem new husband, I’ll see you when you get back from your eight-hour odyssey. What’s eight hours apart when we have a lifetime?”

I should not have said:

It’s our honeymoon, we need to be together. I’ll come with you.”

I am a fearful person. Stretch is not. The ascent on our hike the next day was not the issue. It was quite lovely in fact.

It was the descent where marital cracks surfaced.

I don’t do heights.’ I said when I spotted the vertical boulder-filled ravine that I was expected to scale down. If I stumbled, Stretch would be wifeless.

Needless to say, I did fall and survived, but only barely.

After that we had trouble finding the path.

Time to retreat to your inner child where getting lost was half the fun,” Stretch joked. I wasn’t amused.

So, he tried a different tact—

See those rocks there, that means there’s a path nearby. Call me ‘the path whisperer”.

Luckily for our new marriage, he was right.

Do Spend Some Time with Friends if You Can– This isn’t your first rodeo. No one needs to be with their partner solo every waking hour. See friends en route. Mix it up. Alternate alone, not alone, alone. It gives you something to talk about. We stayed with friends in Provence and Comporta: two places I would go back to in a heartbeat.

Do Plan Ahead –   Spontaneity is great, but not during Covid where numbers of visitors are being limited and lines can be long. I’m glad we booked tickets to the Arles Photography Festival and equally glad that our organized friend Dede thought to book a guide – the fair is huge and rambling. It takes place throughout the historic town, including in a supermarket. Our guide helped us navigate what to see and what to skip.

In Portugal, we missed seeing the spectacular Baroque library at Coimbra University,  apparently, one of the most stunning libraries in the world, and an inspiration for Harry Potter films. Who knew you needed tickets to see a library and that the ticket office would be impossible to find. We’ll just have to go back.

Don’t Plan Ahead –  On the other hand, a honeymoon is really supposed to be a relaxing time. Maybe choose your destination based on the hope that if all else fails you will sit by a pool, or on a beach, or at a cafe or on a terrace sipping rosé or Port Tonic – a delicious Portuguese cocktail we discovered at the stunning Six Senses in the Douro Valley –  reminiscing about when exactly he fell madly in love with you.

Do Notice How Wonderful Your Partner Is –  My tips above are about the holiday, not the husband. Stretch proved to be almost as perfect as his wife. He’s super patient (I don’t find Waze or Google Maps that straightforward), highly competent (he does find Waze and Google Maps that straightforward), forgiving (I was a tad moody the night my earring got stuck in my ear and my cell phone wasn’t working- both disasters at the same time!) and he’s pretty much always sweet, upbeat, curious, attentive and loving – except when he doesn’t get his exercise.

August, 2021

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Early Morning Riser starts with Jane, a young second grade teacher who has just moved to small-town Boyne City, Michigan. She gets locked out of her house and when the local locksmith/carpenter/furniture restorer and town Lothario comes to help, not only does Jane spend the night with him, she ends up spending her life with him. Don’t worry, a fair few curve balls are thrown in, giving this story a plot, but it is essentially a character-driven novel, and what characters Heiny’s imagination has penned!  Jane learns all  about community, loyalty, love and what constitutes family from the quirky cast. Heiny’s writing is sharply observant, tender, insightful and often, very funny.

But don’t listen to me-

I’d read the back of a cereal box if it was written by Katherine Heiny –  Forbes

The perfect pick me-up, filled to the brim with lovable eccentrics and delightful oddballs – Newsweek

Early Morning Riser is a charming, witty and heartwarming novel about life and love in a small town that is destined to improve your mood and restore your faith in humankind. Katherine Heiny — who has long been a personal favorite writer of mine — is at the height of her storytelling powers. Every sentence is a treat!  – Elin Hilderbrand, bestselling author of 28 Summers

Here’s my Q&A with Heiny who lives in Washington D.C.

• How did the germ of an idea for this novel come to you?

My original idea was about a brother and sister who hire someone to get in a minor car accident with their mother (they want her to stop driving) and the man they hire is the local lothario, Duncan. That story didn’t work, but I liked Duncan so I kept him and started over with Jane. Once I started writing, I wanted to see how Jane’s real life would differ from the life she planned, and who would remain in it. The car accident stayed in although in a very different form.

• I read in an interview that you said it wasn’t until you read Bridget Jones Diary and High Fidelity that you realised humour could have a more serious side. Can you expand on this?

I just had this weird idea that books had to be SERIOUS. I’d read Heartburn by Nora Ephron and loved it, but that seemed like a one-off or some exception or something. I read a lot of Margaret Atwood and Alice Munro and Joan Didion—all wonderful writers but not especially comic ones.  Then I read Bridget Jones Diary and High Fidelity (I read them back-to-back) and it was like my head cracked open.  I realized a novel could have humor and melancholy at the same time.  I was thirty years old at the time, amazingly.  I can be kind of slow on the uptake.

• I have to ask- How many of your characters are based on real people you know? Was there a Casanova like Duncan in your life or an unfailingly frank mother anything like Jane’s or an ex-wife as luscious and controlling as Aggie?

Surprisingly, no! Although Jane’s children shared certain personality traits with my children, and I am addicted to thrift stores. Also my younger son had a meltdown in Berlin Legoland that was very similar to the one Patrice has in the Kilwin’s factory. I did know of a teacher in middle school who used the term “team teaching” to mean another teacher taught both classes while he went outside and smoked a cigarette and that was the inspiration for Mr. Robicheaux.

• Where do you get your ideas? Do you sit in a coffee shop and take notes, do you have tons of girlfriends with relationship issues and/or do you just think them up on the fly in the bath or on a walk? Or none of the above?

Usually a story or plot or character starts out as something so small—an overheard remark or fifth-hand gossip or a weird exchange in the supermarket—and I build on it from there. I’m afraid to use my friends’ relationship stories for fear they’ll stop confiding in me, and I really love gossip.

A long time ago, I read that Stephen King goes for a long walk before he starts writing and I thought that Anything Stephen King does is something I should do, so I began doing that and now it’s been part of my writing routine for so long that I have a hard time writing without walking first. Lots of ideas come to me during the walk, but also a surprising amount of stuff just reveals itself to me as I work. That makes me sound crazy, since I’m obviously the one thinking up ideas, but when I’m caught up in a project, it often does feel like connections and insights are given to me by the characters instead of the other way around.

• What was the most difficult part of writing this book? And the easiest?

The easiest parts were the dinner parties, the classroom scenes, the field trip, and any scene involving Jane’s mother. I remember writing the scene where Jane’s mother talks to Duncan about menopause late at night and then going upstairs and telling my husband, “You won’t believe what Jane’s mother just said!” The hardest chapter to write was the one where Glenn is born—it was so difficult to come up with a fresh perspective on pregnancy and birth but I felt like I needed to show Jane experiencing it.

• Which authors do you most admire? People have compared you to Ann Tyler and Nora Ephron. Any comment?

Everything I am, everything I hope to be, I owe to Anne Tyler.  She’s a genius and I have loved her work for so long.  I reread her novels frequently and never fail to find something new to admire. I want to BE Nora Ephron—she was such an amazing person—so the idea that I write a little bit like her is an unbelievable compliment. I also love Kate Atkinson, Lionel Shriver, Louise Erdrich, Ira Levin, Elmore Leonard, Nick Hornby, Alice Thomas Ellis, and about a million other writers.  There’s so much talent and great writing out in the world—we’re really lucky. If I was given a choice between a million dollars and having the memory of one book I’ve loved deleted, it would be a really hard choice.

• Another question I have to ask- is it true that “for every fifty grams of cinnamon, the FDA allows up to ten rodent hairs and four hundred insect fragments?” That poor second grade class, traumatised forever. Did you spend time with second graders to come up with your hilarious dialogue?

I googled that statistic about the cinnamon and since everything on the internet is obviously true so … I guess so? I have two sons and I was in their second-grade classes quite a bit and hosted innumerable playdates so I have spent a lot of time with second-graders but I wasn’t thinking of any particular kid when I wrote the dialogue—it was more a mindset.  Seven-year-olds have no filter, and their priorities and observations are often so surprising.  My son’s second-grade class took a field trip to a battlefield once and the ONLY thing he could remember afterwards was what movie they watched on the bus.

• What is your writing process- do you plan it all out or just write spontaneously. Somehow, I am guessing the latter because your writing flows so well.

I didn’t plan my first novel very well and as a result, it has a tendency to ramble.  I outlined EMR a bit more carefully and I think that made it stronger. I don’t write chronologically—I skip back and forth and write whatever part is interesting me that day—although I usually finish one chapter before starting the next. The “flow” is very important to me and I will write and rewrite dialogue over and over until it reads just like it sounds in my head.  Basically, I think I have weird control and perfectionism issues and will keep tinkering until my editor says, “Send it to me NOW.”

• I also read in aninterview that you write to make sense of things. Is that true for EMR, and if so, how?

I think all writers write to make sense of things.  When you have to examine an incident or thought closely enough to make it real and interesting to a reader, you learn a lot about yourself and your thought processes. And it’s like the way everyone re-read The Stand at the beginning of the pandemic—there’s nothing so comforting as a controlled narrative.

         Tell us something surprising about yourself?

When I was a struggling freelance writer in New York City, I once spent my last $1.25 on a jelly doughnut even though it meant I wouldn’t have subway fare and had to walk about 60 blocks home. I don’t regret it one bit.

          What’s next?

I’m working on a story collection and one of the stories is about a group of teenagers who play strip poker with the youth minister.  This actually happened to a friend of mine and he was kind enough to give me permission to write about it.

Thank you so much and happy writing!

July, 2021

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The School of Life’s nifty Marriage Box, a pretty blue box filled with 20 cards, has so far proven to be a hugely helpful guide on how to have realistic expectations about marriage. I ordered mine online, although you can also go to one of their international flagship stores.

Alain De Botton, the man behind the box,  is a widely respected philosopher and author on everyday life issues and the founder of the “School of Life”. His books have been bestsellers in 30 countries. And yes, he is my current hero.

“Our society typically devotes huge attention to the start of a marriage, and particularly to the actual wedding ceremony. But the real challenge lies beyond the wedding, with the long years ahead,” the writing on the box says.

For Stretch and me,  “the long years ahead” should total about thirty years or so, which, if you like math,  is the same as fifteen times two. Anyone can do 15 years, and I’ll probably be senile by the second 15, so this marriage should whiz by.

This marriage feels different in another way; Round I: I was a daughter with a lot of people fawning all over me. Round II: I am a mother with no one fawning.

On the day of the wedding my twenty-seven-year-old son  didn’t own anything but blue jeans. Another needed a massage, and not simply a chair massage. And the third, an interior designer, upon organising a work related-photoshoot at our house the week after the wedding weekend, announced, “You guys are going to have to leave the house Tuesday, and I mean first thing in the morning, no dawdling. And you can’t come back for two days.”

Those same kids don’t hold back when it comes to giving me marital tips: About five days after our wedding when Stretch and I were allowed back into our house, we were sitting on the terrace with Kate and Julia—being alone with your new spouse isn’t part of the deal, round two. I asked Stretch to please get me a glass of water. He ignored me. So I asked a few more times, claiming bridal fatigue. Finally, he got up.

Maybe with some ice and lemon,” I called over my shoulder.

What about groom fatigue?” Stretch called back from the kitchen.

I ignored him. My friend Marc, who I should add is single, had told me to be tough early on. “You don’t want a slacker. Set the rules early.”

Oh my God, Mommy,” admonished Kate as soon as Stretch was out of earshot, “you can’t treat him like your butler.”

I’d fire him if he was my butler”

Do you ever bring him a cup of tea in the afternoon?” she went on.

No.

Do you ever make him a surprise cheese plate?”

A surprise cheese plate??? Who have I raised?  June Cleaver?

 What about turning some music on when he comes home from work?”

I didn’t know how the stereo worked.

Or making him a gin & tonic?”

I didn’t know how to make cocktails.

Ingredients are stated in the name, Mommy,” piped in Julia. “Stop being so helpless.”

Yeah, but the quantities can be confusing,” I protested.

They both gave me a withering look.

You’ve been divorced once, married twice. Let’s keep that ratio,” commanded Kate.

***

My favorite card in the blue box is titled “Pessimism”.

No one can ever disappoint and upset you as much as the person you marry,” the card says. That’s you Stretch. “For no one else do we have higher hopes.”

It resonated for me. Since Stretch was my choice for a life partner, he better be pretty close to perfect (just like me, lol). The card goes on to say,

When it comes to marriage a dose of pessimism is one of the guarantors of success. The only way to make a marriage work is—curiously—not to expect anything from it.”

I somehow found this suggestion comforting. I found this dose of pessimism relaxing. These cards were way more valuable than that Elsa Paretti cheese knife I got in a different blue box at wedding numero uno (Natalie, I love that cheese knife.)

After tying the knot, Stretch and I flew to San Francisco to toast our wedding with our respective parents who had been too unwell to travel. Towards the end of our stay, I was walking into my mother’s house with Stretch, when suddenly there he was flat on the floor, holding his head moaning. He’d walked into one of her wall sconces. I was worried he had a concussion and felt very sorry for him.

When I told my daughter Julia what happened, she asked,

The sconces by the front door?”

Yes,” I replied.

He did the same thing yesterday,” she said, “He’s a very loud groaner.”

So I married an absent minded professor.  Thankfully, I’d read de Botton’s Pessimism card. I have come to understand that we’re all flawed humans, some maybe more flawed than others—and nursing a small bump on the head.

 After San Francisco, we flew to London from where we would begin our honeymoon.

What I didn’t grasp is that while London is my second home, Stretch is still a newbie. Before moving to the States, I lived in London for 30 years. I still keep a flat there, and all of my children call London home.

How does the microwave work?” Stretch called out from the kitchen.

I’d just shown him where the garlic press, the salad bowl, and the olive oil were all kept.

You know,” I called back as I was setting the table, “you could just figure it out without asking. Get to know your kitchen.”

I will admit, I had tone.

Elena, you need to teach me how to fish.”

I rolled my eyes. Stretch liked to speak in parables. That’s when I remembered my least favorite card from the Marriage Box: Being a Good Teacher.

Teaching is a skill,” the card said. “It requires patience,” tell me about it, “an ability to put oneself in the shoes of another. Love can and should sometimes be a classroom.”

Things reached a climax when we arrived at the subject of our honeymoon. I immediately thought of the Amalfi Coast. I could picture us sunbathing by the Med, sipping one of those Italian orange cocktails, with handsome Italian waiters asking me if I’d like them to adjust our umbrella or bring us some nibbles.

I wilt in the heat,” Stretch replied when I told him about my dream honeymoon. “Can’t go there. Plus we’ve been eating and drinking so much lately, I’d like to go somewhere and exercise and detox. How about a hiking trip in Austria? There might still be snow-capped mountains.”

I hated snow, the idea of seeing it in February was bad enough. And did he say, detox. Luckily, Austria’s Covid rules stopped Stretch in his tracks.

Looks like we can really only go to southern Europe,” I said, still harboring my Amalfi fantasy.

How about we do that Spanish pilgrimage?” he replied.

The one where you walk all day and sleep in hostels?” I asked shocked.

Who did I marry?

Yup, it’ll be great. I’m sure we can do better than hostels,” said Stretch, as he opened his laptop with glee.

Looks like there are only three star hotels along the route,” he said a half hour later. “But good news, looks like we won’t have to share a bathroom with strangers.”

I called our travel agent to ask,

Do couples ever take separate honeymoons?”

I flipped through my marriage cards again, searching for something to help me through the latest crisis. The cards did not disappoint.

For the Darkest Days:

No one really understands anyone else. That your spouse doesn’t grasp you in central ways is entirely unavoidable…Your anguish is very real at this moment. But later it won’t seem quite so bad. We get used to things. We can cope better than we think.”

There’s a card on compromise that I should probably pay closer attention to, but for now my plan is to make Stretch a surprise cheese plate on our honeymoon. I think this is going to be a fabulous marriage.

July, 2021

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