These two milestones have contributed to a minor identity crisis. I’d like to say midlife crisis, but that ship has sailed. In my fifties chasing youth seemed ok. After all, 40 wasn’t that long ago. But at 60? Sixty isn’t young. And if it isn’t young, it isn’t sexy, right?

Sixty makes me think of my sweet grandmother Bowesie who had short silver hair and always wore a slip underneath her prim dresses, sensible pumps (navy blue or black) and had a hankie tucked into her sleeve. Bowesie was many wonderful things; smart, kind, calm, loving, an excellent domino player—but being sexy wasn’t on the list.

I know times have changed. Tom Cruise is also 60, born the same year as Stretch and me. Cruise’s six pack was a marvel to behold in the new Top Gun movie. But it also looked kind of unnatural, like he didn’t just roll out of bed, have a bowl of Cornflakes, and walk onto the set with that iron board tumtum.

I went to see my dermatologist last week for a skin cancer checkup, arguably at the low end of sexy things to do on a Tuesday.

‘I’ve had a great day,” my dermatologist beamed. “I feel in the zone. I’ve just injected several patients, including a top Vogue beauty editor with Botox and fillers. They all look twenty years younger than when they came in.”

I guess sixty is the new forty, literally. I could see she was excited. I wanted to share her excitement, but really, her news just made me feel tired.

Who wants to look 20 years younger? I thought to myself. Ten maybe but twenty?

My friend Melanie agreed when we discussed it later.

“The effort required is exhausting, expensive, time consuming, and ultimately disappointing,” she pointed out.

People begin to age the minute they are born. It happens to all of us. I don’t want 60 to be the new 40. I want 60 to be the new 60.  I want to be proud of the life that I’ve led, the life that is visible on my face and body.  I want to be like those French women who wear skimpy bikinis on the beach and don’t care that their bodies sag a bit. Their bodies attest to the life they’ve led. I want a rest from chasing youth. I want to be comfortable and happy in my 60-year-old skin.

But I don’t want to trade in sexy for sensible. No way! My tombstone will read-

Here lies one formerly hot, now quite cold, mama.

I went to my first Rolling Stones concert this summer. I wasn’t particularly excited (Stretch bought the tickets) thinking Mick is 78, they’ll probably be wheeling him onto the stage. OMG, how wrong I was. Sir Mick was an inspiration. He moved like a thirty-year-old, backwards, forwards, sideways. He swaggered and gyrated. His skin was craggy, but who cares. He didn’t seem to. And if we’re honest, when wasn’t it craggy? The point was he was having a blast.

Turns out Mick does a lot to stay so fit. He runs daily, practices ballet, kickboxing, cycling, Pilates, yoga, weight training, and dynamic stretching. He took up aerial yoga at 73. He meditates, takes vitamins and eats healthy foods. He has the occasional beer.

I’m not sure I could replicate that lifestyle. On the plus side I never drink beer (much prefer tequila). But I just don’t have the time for Mick’s exercise regiment in between naps, New Yorker cartoons, and playing  Wordle which, alone can take me a good three hours. And then there’s catching up on my favorite TV show, Grace & Frankie.

Geriatric psychiatrist Dr Gary Kennedy at the Montefiore Institute in New York reassured me that as long as I don’t want to be a rockstar, 30 minutes of exercise a day is sufficient. Phew!

 “To live your best life, I tell my patients to have their coffee in the morning and then go for a 30-minute walk.”  Exercise builds neurons in our brains, I was told. The brain is more than a computer, it is also a muscle.

Mick is impressive not just because he can walk backwards on a narrow stage while singing (I tried it on our diving board, it’s really hard), but because he is still relevant after fifty years in the public eye. He isn’t an invisible grandpa. Mick contributes to society. Everyone around us at the concert was grinning, clapping, singing and swaying to the music. We were all having fun. Maybe I should become a rockstar?

 A Yale study found that people who view aging positively were less likely to develop dementia. That could be a major reason to embrace getting older. You’re less likely to lose your mind.

Have I mentioned I can’t wait to turn 70!?!

August, 2022

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Flash forward three decades, I am 48 and my mother 76. My father has died a few years before and my mother, who didn’t like to be alone, was determined to find a replacement.

I’m not ready to close up shop, Elena” she told me bluntly at the kitchen table one morning. Below is my mother and her boyfriend, the late George Englund.

One woman feels old at fifty, another feels young at 70. Attitude.

To be honest, at the time I was slightly horrified by my mother’s frankness.  The idea of my mother wanting to be a woman, not a mother, but a person in her own right with desires, a sexual being, and at the age of 76, I wasn’t ready for it. (By the way, the new film directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal starring Olivia Colman and Dakota Johnson The Missing Daughter addresses the unspoken taboos of motherhood. I loved it.)

But now as 60 looms, I am in awe of my mother’s spirit, her hutzpa. No giving up for Frances. She never discussed her age, and we weren’t allowed to call her old. I did once and paid for it. At the time I thought she was being ridiculous, not accepting the obvious. Now, I see exactly what she was doing. You are what you think. I’ll decide when my kids can call me old.

Age is all in your attitude.

Whatever my age, the shop will be open- I mean that in the best possible sense. I plan to stay curious (which won’t be hard since I’m eternally nosey), engaged, active and nonjudgmental. And keep trying new things. Pickle ball? You got it. Games are fun. Also important to me is maintaining my rich friendships, and selectively forming new ones. Friends are my lifeblood.

Several of my similarly aged friends are taking stock as well, making changes where necessary, appreciating what is working in their lives and eliminating what’s not.

New York interior designer Tom Scheerer is slowing down his successful career. All work and no play makes Johnny, in this case Tommy, a dull boy.

I waited till I hit 65 to wake up! I’m making big changes,” he told me over the phone. From November Scheerer is only taking on projects he loves and very few of those.

I’m tired of doing the same thing over and over again,” he explained. “If you do it nonstop then you don’t leave yourself open to do anything else. I’ll put the same energy into self-care and health. And I’m going to start traveling again.”

Scheerer went on to explain that his job is all-consuming. He thinks about other people‘s stuff in the middle of the night when he’d rather be thinking of his stuff- or just getting a good night’s sleep. He tells me that his mother, who embraced life fully right up until a few months before she died last April,  may have influenced his decision.  We don’t go on forever, what do we want our not exactly middle act to look like?

My friend Laura  in Boston has recently given up her full-time job working in the arts. But that doesn’t mean she’s retiring from life.  No siree. Last year alone she visited Zion and Bryce Canyon, Vegas “because why not!!!”, Jordan (wanted to tick Petra off her bucket list), Paris to see artist Christo’s installation, and finally a safari in South Africa and Botswana. She continues to do consulting work and is taking a course. She’s busier than ever.

I’m not good when I’m idle,” says my understated friend. “I’m auditing a course.  I don’t need a certificate at my age, but the course needs to be interesting.”

And my London-based friend Jessica, who was thrilled to get a bus pass on her 60^th, is equally active. She’s a magistrate, tv journalist, school board chair, local citizens advice board member and volunteers at a food bank. She’s recently been appointed to a panel that interviews judgeships. And she just got a Labrador puppy to keep her other Labrador company.  OK, Jessica is a bit of a superwoman. Ageing hasn’t slowed her down. If anything, it’s speeded her up.

None of these people are saying they’re too old for anything. None of them are saying that they are old. Whether it’s finding new love or embarking on new adventures, they’re game.  Life is precious, not something to be squandered. If Covid’s taught us anything, it’s that life can be over in a New York minute. Age has nothing to do with a youthful spirit.

The NYTimes published an article a few years ago entitled  The Faces of 85 and Up about six ageing New Yorkers. Here are some of their secrets to living a long happy life.

Bridge during the day, Manhattans at night.”

Not overdoing sex.”

And my fave, “I color my hair, wear makeup, flirt with cute guys and take the stairs.”

In the words of the wise Betty White,

Just keep plugging away. Don’t give up.

January, 2022

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