Elena Bowes

There’s nothing like a holiday to make me feel ungrateful…I hate being forced to be happy. I like normal everyday life where I’m not forced to feel anything. I’d rather happiness or gratitude snuck up on me, like when the scone place has one last scone…or my kids call me just to talk, not because they need something, or the barista smiles at me. Or I make every single green light. I don’t need much, but I know what I don’t need: Tinsel, turkey, and please no pumpkin pie.

I am preparing myself. It’s that time of year where we’re all supposed to be jolly and excited for the holidays, where we have to get along even if we’re quietly seething.  Please let’s not get an encore of the fist fight year. I hate to be Bah Humbug, but I wish we could just zoom past them, or at least limit the celebrations to just two tense meals and one festive movie- even that can be contentious – why does one family member get veto rights on both Love Actually and The Holiday?

I’m very polite in my everyday life. I can often be found expressing my gratitude to Chat GPT. I apologize when I’m wrong – I’m sorry my grocery cart knocked you over. Please comes naturally to me, too – But since you’re on the floor, could you please hand me that jar of peanut butter? I don’t know why they put them so low.

But being cheery for several days in a row is depressing.

More broadly, I like to think I’m thankful for my family. Like, I’m thankful my ex-husband isn’t at the Thanksgiving table anymore. There’s a lot of divorce in our family, so holidays are a good time to be grateful for divorce. But compromising on who gets to see which kids and grandkids does get in the way of those gratitude-vibes.

Luckily, I’m very happily married round two. But I am not thankful for how long he can eat Thanksgiving leftovers. By day three I can’t look at another rubbery sweet potato, limp green bean, smooshed brussels sprout or leathery piece of turkey without gagging. There’s a reason we only eat turkey once a year. My husband makes a full plate for lunch every day and eats with gusto. Opposites attract? Not in this case.

I was listening to the news, and a congressman was raising awareness for starving Americans by walking 40 miles. My first thought, and I’m ashamed to admit it, was that’s a lot of steps. Way more than 10,000. And while I feel horribly for those starving people, it didn’t actually make me feel gratitude…More like wishful – I wish I could give them our Thanksgiving leftovers. That would have made me feel grateful on so many levels.

It’s the excess I hate about the holidays. How many presents do I need to buy? How much food do I need to cook (ok order)? How many X-mas cards do I need to send before I can relax, pour a glass of wine, put my feet up and relish the days before NY’s Eve fireworks keep me up?

I used to tell my sister, expect nothing on your birthday and then you won’t be disappointed. She laughed and thought I was being a ridiculous downer. But then she had an underwhelming birthday. Guess who was disappointed?

I’m in my friend Marc’s camp when it comes to holidays. Celebrate that holiday and then move on to normal life as quickly as possible. My husband’s family likes to celebrate any holiday for about five days longer than necessary. That would be six days. They’re a joyous bunch. They start talking about the next holiday as soon as the last one ended.  They actually like each other. Can you imagine?

My kids still haven’t forgiven me for booking flights on December 25^th throughout their childhood. “It’s great! The planes are empty,” I’d tell them.

Christmas is over-rated. Now December 26^th, that’s a great day. But please, let’s keep that on the down low.

November, 2025